More I live, I had began to realize that I have known enough of all, enough of friends, enough of people, enough of strangers, enough of life…every time I was more confident that I could actually read patterns of the events, that were taking place in space and time..It felt as if I could read people’s mind and I could be what you want me to be...It’s was that feeling of “I know it all”, “I can tell it all”…its actually kind of that feeling were you insanely feel like god...it gives you a kick of being on epitome of being judgmental…you start thinking that you can make anyone smile, you can make them cry, you know what would hurt most and you know how to console…and this feeling is actually kick ass.
Recently a friend of mine, who is substantially close to me, we have been friends n foes for quite some time now...But above all what has prevailed within us is that affection and love...it was her birthday yesterday and I after whole lot of one year, I had called her… even before calling her I was hell excited about talking to her after such a long time..I actually always look forward to talk to her; I guess I am fond of her...and this time while talking to her I realized that she is was low…soon I realized it was breakup thing…it was loss of love that had damaged her euphoric soul..She was depressed, although she was not complaining nor sobbing…her voice was transparent enough to get my heart sinking, just to realize something was terribly wrong with her… I felt too helpless and so much short of words...Her pain had travelled to my eyes in no seconds…at this time this “I know it all” knew nothing at all…how do I console her? How do I get that pulse back? How do I tell her that she ruining herself? Like an idiot I sobbed wondering what to do??
When I began to think after this incident, many more same incidents over shadowed my memory and it kept flowing like a trail…a friend’s mother expired and I had no courage to even speak to her, some where I knew that no matter what I utter, nothing is going to get her mother back or even her mental peace back…In school they teach us how to be a desirable person in society and how 2+2 is 4, how stars are not just twinkling objects and how even plants have life..I wonder why they never taught us how to cry a loud when you feel like??Why they never taught us you how to console someone for loss of close one?? No one ever in school taught me love would hurt so much??
I have begun to realize in this lost universe that life is all about growing. Out growing what you were yesterday. This phrase” I know It all” is a myth...Someone has rightly quoted “no one teaches life anything”... I have started to re-learn life each day...Undo what I just learned hours back…I make same mistakes consciously or unconsciously…and each time when I hurt myself...For some time I am definitely in slumbers, in my own shell...but when I am back...I am back with a bang and I am not afraid of making mistakes any more..I am no more afraid of fall, I just enjoy the spree of life…I realized that I don’t want to be master of all...And “I DON’T know it all” J
